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Archive for the ‘Barber jokes’ Category

Barack Obama

Tuesday, April 2nd, 2013

The barber asks his client if he doing anything next week, and the client replies that he is going to Washington, D.C.

“Why go there it’s a boring place.” Says the barber. “Where are you staying?”
“At the Hilton.” Replies the client.
“The Hilton hotels aren’t all that. You’ll probably end up in a shoe box of a room, and the flights are always a hassle, why are you bothering?” Asks the barber.
“Well we want to see Barack Obama.” Says the client.
“Good luck! You’ll be lucky enough to see the White House.” Says the barber depressively.

A few weeks pass and the client returns.

“How did your trip go?” Asks the barber.
“Amazing!” Says the client. “Firstly we got bumped up to first class on the flight over there, then we ended up in the presidential sweet of the hotel because of a mix up with the booking.”
“Wow! But did you see the president?” Asks the barber.
“Well, inflect when we were at the bates of the White House he came out to the gates to meet people and he actually spoke to me.” Says the client.
“Really what did he say?” Asked the barber intrigued.
“Where did you get the crap haircut!”

Baldness cure

Sunday, March 31st, 2013

A man asks the barber if he has any advice on baldness, as he is starting to thin a bit on top.

The barber says “You know the best thing I’ve found for baldness is women’s juices!”
“What,” Says the man confused. “women’s juices?”
“Yeah, works brilliantly.” Confirms the barber.
Even more confused the man says “But your more bald than I am!”
“Yes, ” Says the barber “but I’ve got a great moustache!”

Close shave

Friday, March 29th, 2013

A man asks the barber for a shave saying that he finds hard to get a good clove shave himself. The barber takes a small wooden ball from the shelf and asks the client to pop it in his mouth, between his teeth and his cheek.

After the barber shaves the first cheek the client is really impressed at how close the shave is, so he moves the ball to the other cheek, asking “what happens if I swallow the ball?”

“Just do what everyone else does” says the the barber “and bring it back tomorrow!”

Tony Blair

Thursday, March 28th, 2013

A client wasn’t sure what kind of hair cut to have so he asked the barber, who had a huge brightly coloured mohawk, for some advice.

The barber replied “You could have a Tony Blair cut like mine.”

The client looked puzzled “But Tony Blair doesn’t have his hair like that.”

The barber looked him strait in the eye and said “He does if he comes here!”

Cheap cut

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

A barber meets a man in a pub who asks how much he charges for a haircut.

The barber replies “Thirteen pounds.”

“What?” Says the man. “I usually only pay three.”

The barber takes a long look at him and then says “Yeah, looks like it.”

Three quid haircut

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

An old barber took offence at the new male grooming barbershop that opened up down the street, and put up a sign saying “Why pay thirteen pounds for a haircut when we charge three?”

The new male grooming barbershop replied with a sign “We fix three pound haircuts!” Learn more about mens shavers.

Cut throat shave

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

After a client had a cut throat shave he asked the barber how much he had to pay for this service using the electric shaver for men. The barber replied “five pounds.”

“But” says the client. “The sign says fifteen.”

“Yeah, well.” says the barber. “When a client is all mouth we can’t charge full price.”

Something artistic

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

A man walks into the barbershop and asks for something artistic.

The barber chops off the clients ear and says “There you go, Van Gogh!”

Two year olds haircut

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

A man asks the barber when would be best to bring in his two year old son in for a haircut.

The barber replies “When he is a grown up.”

Waiting for the barber

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

What do you call a row of men waiting for a haircut?

A barbecue!

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